Category: Relationships

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Checks&Balances

Just the other day I walked into the bathroom and prayed, “Lord please help me to check my emotions and help me to be balanced in my responses”.

It was an honest prayer. It was a clear minded prayer. It was desperate, but not selfish. I truly wanted to not be affected emotionally by the reactions I was receiving so I could respond with kindness and clarity. I didn’t want to spew or have a patronizing tone. The Lord reminded me of a quote I came across a few years ago that has 100% opened my eyes. Let me share…

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” -Warren Buffett

The first Scripture that comes to mind when I read this quote is 2 Timothy 1:7 (TPT) that says, “For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.” He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to have self-control- aka- restraint.

Okay, so I haven’t wrote in a while and I log on to once again dig deep into my creative soul and begin a new blog post. To my surprise, I had begun this post and never completed it. So, here I find myself in the same place, but today I went and took a shower to pray and wash away all my frustrations. Here I am, being reminded to once again, practice restraint upon my own feelings and emotions. So, here we go. I’m ready to complete this post with fresh eyes, but still in this present struggle.

No Joke! I am now coming back for a third time to finish this post, months later. Today was a good day. My shower was uneventful not containing desperate prayers or pleads to our Lord, but just a thankful heart. Now yesterday… that’s a different story. Ha!

I think what the Lord is always showing me and teaching me and trying to sink down deep in my heart and my mind is to freely and joyful give the grace, mercy, and love to others (particularly my babies) that He so graciously gives to me every moment of every day.

There it is – simple, plain, and seriously uncomplicated – but not always as easy as it sounds.

It’s always, ALWAYS, a heart issue. Where’s my heart at? Check it. If it’s off, balance it. Just like a check book back in the day. Sometimes it takes some hunting and other times it’s right there plain as day.

Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIRV) “God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Test me. Know what I’m thinking. See if there’s anything in my life You don’t like. Help me live in the way that is always right.”

Today, I finally finish this post with a smile on my face. He is so good to me. Always has, always will be.

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One Adventure at a Time

One step at a time. I tell my kids and myself this quite often…

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Live in the moment.

Don’t think about what you have to do later and become overwhelmed by it, just stay in the now. Experience it, feel it, embrace it, and be aware of it.

All of these things are much easier said than done. I’ll admit that.

So, here I go. Telling you mine and my family’s adventures- one at a time.

“Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

I never thought in a million years I would be a wanderer. It’s a label that can be hard to accept as one you bear because you can be mistaken as inconsistent or unreliable. Some of us just need more time for experiences, trial and error. I won’t start too far back, as that would be a novel and this is just a short read. I was born and raised in California. Met and married my man, had two babies, purchased our first home, all the big life stuff. Well, in June of 2012 my husband took a new position that moved us from the Mojave desert to the sandy beaches of Ventura County. It was a dream come true. The ocean is our favorite place and now we lived just 3 blocks away. We cherished that year and a half before he was offered another new position that landed us back home in the desert. It was a short stay of 5 months before he once again accepted a new job that took us up north to the Bay Area. These years were fruitful and we grew in our marriage exponentially. We made new friends that became forever best friends.

We always knew this wasn’t our final destination. We did, however, stay longer than I anticipated and it was so good. We had always wanted to move out of state, so we made plans to join some friends that had recently moved. We took the plunge and moved to the Minneapolis area of Minnesota. We arrived on New Years Eve 2018 just in time for the polar vortex to take over a few weeks later. We bought a beautiful home and embraced our new environment and enjoyed many new adventures. Cold people stuff… we built an ice skating rink in our backyard, sledded down the deck staircase, made lots of snowman, walked on frozen lakes. These are ventures you can’t experience in the warm climates we had always lived. The Lord had different plans for our other family friends that were hoping to move with us. It was hard. Let me just say, I like the plans I make and it was so hard when my plans weren’t the same as His.

But… His plans are so much greater and so much better!

We stayed in Minnesota for two and a half years. I always say with every move there’s growing and stretching and maturing that happens. It was time for us to move on, Minnesota was not our home. We decided to sell our house and just drive and see where we wanted to live. After covid, my husband’s position went remote and we had decided to homeschool the kids, therefore we were as free as birds to fly and land wherever we wanted. This was so exciting. This was a big decision. We had full freedom to choose where we lived. Not based on a job location or a school district. This was a lot of pressure. The only ones we have to blame if this sucks, is us. But, again we have the freedom to fly again, if needed. We had always wanted to live in Texas. So, after a short stay back home with family, we took the leap of faith and moved to San Antonio, Texas.

We can’t go where we want to be until we are ready to be there. We weren’t ready for Texas until now. Texas wasn’t ready for us. We needed the desert, the ocean, the bay, and the north. We needed these adventures and experiences. We needed the friends we made. We needed fruitful seasons and dry ones.

Perspective is everything.

I don’t know your story. It may be similar to mine, or maybe you have lived in the same city your entire life. Maybe you have moved less or more than we have. You may still be wandering. You know, you can wander without ever leaving your living room. It’s not only a location thing, it’s a heart thing. Even in my wandering, physical and spiritual, Jesus has never ever left me. I have known and felt His love and compassion.

May you always know and feel the unwavering and unconditional love that Jesus has for you. In your wandering, I pray you always know He’s right there. He’s got your back. If you feel like you’re wandering in your faith, in your marriage or parenting, in any other relationship, I pray right now for your heart to receive the peace that only comes from Jesus. He will guide you, lead you, and show you what to do and where to go, when to speak and when to be silent. Just because you may be wandering, doesn’t mean you’re lost. Take heart, dear friend, every little thing is going to be alright.

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Listen Linda!

The older I get, the better I listen and the more I desire to. Just today I had the rare opportunity of uninterrupted time with one of my favorite people. Now, don’t go crazy thinking I didn’t talk, I surely did. But my favorite part wasn’t talking or what I had to say or my excitement to tell her something. The best thing was just listening to her. She is frankly honest while remaining tenderhearted. It’s something I have always admired about her.

We live far from our family so visits are typically 5-10 days and just seem to fly by. We are currently blessed to have an extended visit with them and let me just say I am in absolute heaven on earth. What I want to do the most of during this precious time is to – listen. I want to hear stories and hearts. I want to learn and absorb each word those I love have to say. As I write this, it excites me to talk a whole lot less and just be still. I think listening requires a stillness we don’t practice enough. Our current state of stay at home orders and social distancing and literally the covering of our mouths is not what I’m referring to. Our nation, our roads and highways, our stores, our community gatherings have been not only still but put to a complete halt. That doesn’t mean our minds, hearts, opinions, and judgments have been. To be honest, mine have been loud and angry and all over the place – the complete opposite of still.

In my study and meditation on listening I have concluded, it is a gift. A gift both to give and to receive. My favorite synonym of listen is the word accept. See, to truly receive a gift you have to accept it and when you give a gift your joy is in their acceptance of it. How beautiful is that!

I have also been thinking a lot about the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing takes no effort; it’s just sound received by our ears. Listening requires active attention; it takes action. The definition of listening is this: to give attention with the ear; attend closely. So, when people say they want to be heard-I think they really want to be listened to. Just like the little guy from the famous YouTube video “Listen Linda” (oh my goodness, if you have not seen it, stop right now and go watch!) he did not want her to just hear him, he wanted her to LISTEN!

Right now our world is in such division. Let’s be a people who choose to truly, actively, and respectfully listen-even when we don’t agree. Actually, especially when we don’t agree.

Here are a few Scriptures to encourage us:

But whoever listens to Me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. Proverbs 1:33 (NIV)

“Ho! Everyone who thirsts, Come to the waters; And you who have no money, Come, buy, and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk Without money and without price. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in abundance. Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; Isaiah 55:1-3a (NKJV)

Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights. Proverbs 18:15 (MSG)

Answering before listening is both stupid and rude! Proverbs 18:13 (MSG)

A question I need to ask myself is who do I not want to listen to or even whom am I unwilling to listen to? Sometimes it’s a distinguished individual, but more often than not, it’s my kids or a close friend or a new friend. I listen to and read much of Jennie Allen’s work and one thing right now that is sticking out to me from her is: Keep the End in Mind. I can only see right in front of me sometimes, only what is going on now and how I do or don’t like it; how comfortable or uncomfortable the situation or conversation can be. Let’s take Jennie’s advice. Let’s be willing to listen because it’s not just the right now that we are listening for; it’s the trust we are building with others so we are a safe and trustworthy place to come to. Listening is a big deal – people! Let’s be known for being good listeners.

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Beautifully Imperfect

I call my mom Mama; always have and always will. I have forever wanted to be called the same, but guess what – we rarely get exactly what we want. I have come to terms with being called plain ‘ol mom. I adore nicknames as I find them to be not only personal but so special. Okay, enough about what my children call me. We have more important things to get to.

Today I felt completely and utterly disqualified, ill equipped, and frankly not made for this whole being a mom thing. Both my children were struggling with what they struggle with the most in this time of their lives. My son – school. My daughter – her room. Lord, have mercy on my impatient heart.

My boy has an outright apathetic spirit towards school since like 3rd grade. He’s crazy intelligent + zero motivation = a mom’s worst nightmare. I have to say, though, the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree as his dad about gave my mother in law a heart attack over school until the day she received the phone call he would graduate high school by the skin of his teeth. My man, hands down, most intelligent man I know and he can fix, build, and cook anything. He has a great job and has created a beautiful life for us. I take great peace and hope that our son will continue to follow in his father’s footsteps- but maybe care just a bit about high school? Oh please, just a little.

My girl. She loves ALL things. Therefore, she keeps all things. It’s going to be the death of me. She despises a tidy room and I kid you not, it’s a good day when we can see her floor. My oh My! Again, Jesus have mercy on my impatient soul! We don’t need to keep the package a toy arrived in because we might want to use it as a bag “one day”. I know someone out there has a little one like mine. Everything is so special and so important. She’s going to use it someday for something. Every time we need to do a good deep clean it becomes a fight and I ask her, what do you want to manage, clean, and care for?

I’m not writing this to air my kid’s dirty laundry or just vent about their struggles. I’m writing to tell you about mine. I want my kids to care about the important things. Let me rephrase this. I want my kids to care about what’s important to me. Yikes. Yes, this is definitely about them, but probably even more so about my heart condition and need for control. I recently listened to a sermon about letting go by Pastor Furtick. He told a story about weight lifting. His trainer told him he would be able to lift more weight if he loosened his grip. Oh, Jesus help me loosen my grip.

See, the thing I love about our Creator is just that, He created us. He knows us because He made us. We can have a grip. Another way to say this, I get to parent(grip)my children. But sometimes, I need to loosen my grip so that I have more influence in their lives by being an example of the child I am to our Heavenly Father. They have to learn things on their own. Just typing that hurts my heart. That’s gripping too tight. There’s nothing new to their current struggles. We have taught and raised them both to be responsible with what they have been entrusted with. Now, it’s time for them to practice and live this out. Yes, I still have to keep them accountable and continue to remind, reward, and discipline them. But the anger and frustration and the inadequacy I feel so deep it makes me question if I am made for this – it’s time for that to come to an end by loosing my grip, praying continually, and not expecting them to do things the way that I do. They aren’t me and I don’t want them to be. They are created in the image of God and I want to see that flourish and grow into exactly the plan our Jesus has for them. Lord, thank you for the honor and privilege to be their Mama (ha!) and love them and lead them towards You.

Here’s how I got from the dark thoughts back to the truth. My son had been doing school work ALL day because he was excessively behind on his assignments. It’s now 11pm and he wants to interview me for an article he has to write. Of course I say yes. Do you know what he asks me?

What made you want to be a mom?

Immediately, my Good Shepherd led me back to the truth. I was instantly reminded that all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother. I have always loved children. Growing up babysitting and teaching Sunday school was my absolute favorite. Then, He answered my prayers and gifted me with the best man ever and two amazing sweet babies. I don’t have all the answers and I surely mess up on the daily – but this I know – I love my family fiercely and without doubt and I need Jesus in every breath I take.

My favorite representation of the Holy Spirit is that He is our Reminder. I desperately needed a memory jog. He called my attention back to the TRUTH. Yes, I was made to be a mom. Not just any mom – a mom to Broc and a mom to Shelby. Two precious humans that Jesus saw fit to bless me with.

Thank you Jesus there are new mercies every morning waiting for me. How I need them so! Thank You Holy Spirit for the reminders and Your ever present help. Thank you God for being my Heavenly Father and Creator. Thank You Jesus for bearing my sins and sacrificing Your life that I might live. I’m not an inadequate mom or wife or woman. I am a beautifully imperfect mom and wife and woman that is rescued and loved by the perfect Great I Am and that can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

If you will, pray with me?

Jesus. I need you. I can’t do life on my own. Your saving grace and new mercies every morning are where I want to dwell. May Your goodness and perfect love cast out all my fears as I find my strength in You. I surrender. I believe You are the one and only true God, Creator of the Heavens, the Earth, and me. I accept I need a Savior. Thank You God, that You sent Your one and only Son to planet earth to live amongst us as fully human and fully God and to die on the cross for my sins to pay the price for all my imperfections, rebellion, and selfishness. Thank You that I am made in Your image and You love me and like me. Help me to receive Your love and grace – Every. Single. Day.

Amen

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In the Struggle

Struggle has been a common theme around our house lately. It’s often been my husband telling the kids and I we need some struggle in our lives. To quote him, “You guys need some struggle in your life. It’s good for you!”

I’m not exactly friends with struggle nor do I ask it over for dinner, but I do have to say sometimes I find myself yearning for it a bit. Just like in a good work out you know the struggle is only temporary and the results are tremendous. I have to share a story that most of you will roll your eyes at, but here it goes anyhow – my recent confrontation with struggle in a physical sense… A few months ago it snowed and enough that the driveway needed to be shoveled. I decided that morning that I was going to shovel the driveway for my man so he did not have to do it when he got home from work. I. Don’t. Shovel. I have a husband, a strapping teenage son, and an overly eager bouncy daughter who all do this strenuous chore. I don’t want to do it. I don’t have to do it. I wanted to do it to serve him and relieve him this particular day. I almost talked myself out of it several times and then I just went out, looked like a fool, sweated my butt off, and shoveled that whole dang thing. There was not a spot of snow or ice on that gorgeous drive!

What I have to admit was the pride and accomplishment I felt.

Some struggles are a choice. These struggles I would define as work or effort needed to accomplish one’s will. You may not know when you begin something the difficulty it will induce, but you know there will be some. For instance, say you want to learn how to play the piano. There will be struggle, effort needed. It may come naturally to you or not, but some work is required. This, we are somewhat prepared for as we consciously made a choice to learn a new skill.

Other struggles are not a choice. They come at us with a force we did not know existed. We have no control over the nature of the struggle itself. I would define this kind of struggle as a clashing war, strife.

Both are rough and painful, harsh and demanding. Oddly enough, both require the same thing from us. Whether we put ourselves up to the task or the battle shows up at our door unannounced – we were made to fight. We were made for struggle.

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” -James 1:2-4 (MSG)

Struggle is a gift. I guess maybe I should invite it over for dinner. James makes it sound almost fun and whimsical. I think maybe it can be. Perspective, I guess. My favorite is the next few verses…

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get His help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing, without a second thought.” -James 1:5-6 (MSG)

We don’t even have to know what we are doing or how to do it! Hallelujah!!! We just have to talk to our Heavenly Father and simply ask. We do need to believe. That’s really all He wants from us anyhow, to believe. Believe He loves us. Believe He is on our side. Believe He wants to help us through the struggle.

We are all in a struggle right now. All experiencing it, but each in our own unique way. My prayer for us all is that we come out of this struggle with a new story in our life book. It doesn’t have to be a remodeled kitchen or twenty pounds lost. It doesn’t have to be a new found hobby or an immaculately cleaned home. Maybe it’s a newfound (or rekindled) love for hand written letters or your competitive spirit has been reborn during family game time. Just maybe you have a desire or gifting you didn’t even know about until you actually were still for a minute to feel it. Can you imagine coming out of this time in history more passionately in love with your spouse than ever before? How about a friendship revived through a phone call. We don’t always have to think so grand and big and extravagant. Lets think about what will really matter at the gates of Heaven when we get to see our Jesus face to face. What if this story we are writing right now read this –

I truly fell in love with Jesus and received the gift of trusting in Him with my whole heart. I opened the Living Word and had so many conversations with the Creator of the universe. I loved my family and those close to me because I couldn’t contain the love that Jesus was pouring into me. I stopped long enough to steep in the presence of the Almighty Father God. I learned to hear Him in the noise of my household (to hear Him in the silence of my solitude). I learned the things that comfort me and strengthen me. As I learned I did. It wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it to make the choices that eventually became custom to me. It became my nature.

Cheers to the struggle! Cheers to coming out on the other side brighter, lighter, and full of vigor!

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Milestones of Love

Today is me and my man’s fifteenth wedding anniversary. Fifteen years! It feels like I’ve always been married to him. Honestly, it’s hard to remember a time without him because we have MADE a life together. I was only twenty, him twenty-one when we married. We were honestly just babes. I love this about us. I love this about our story. We fell in love fast and furious. Ready for a great love story?

I was nineteen working as a medical assistant and was eager – oh so eager to find my husband and get married. I know… eager at nineteen… but I was. I even walked with a group of friends, our ages ranging from nineteen to mid-forties. Two of us were longing for our first husbands and the other three were longing for their second and thirds. We called ourselves Women in Waiting. We would walk in the evening and pray for them to come quickly. Then we would often eat good food and greatly enjoy one another’s company. It was a precious time I didn’t know was precious. Okay, I got off track…

I had purchased a spoiler off of Ebay to put on my rad ’95 green Honda Civic and it did not fit. I was obviously upset about this and was venting to my co-workers. One of them was so kind to offer up her ( I didn’t know was handsome & single) nephew as a potential buyer as he was looking for a spoiler for his car. She asked if she could give him my number and I said yes. A few days later I received a call inquiring about my spoiler. Long story short – it was lost at the repair shop I had left it at with hopes the owner would find a buyer for me. As I told him this terrible news, he wasn’t much disconcerted, as he asked me out on a date. WHAT? Sometimes a “bad” purchase can end up propelling you into the greatest adventure of your life.

Two nights later this sexy man is at my door step – our blind date.

Three months later he proposed on my parent’s front porch. Yes! Yes! I said Yes!

Five months later we stood before our Jesus, family, and friends and vowed to love one another in the good & bad, sickness & health, rich & poor.

But my favorite vow we made: to always remain the same in and out of each other’s presence.

This is our love story.

He is my very best friend in the whole entire world. He makes me laugh more than anyone on earth. He brings an ease and safety to my life. He shakes things up and keeps me on my toes. He has my whole heart, every single day. His kisses revive me and his embrace is my comfort. This man is my life’s greatest gift.

What I absolutely can’t get over is how much I still have to learn. Fifteen years is long and it’s short. We both change with the years and these children won’t stop growing! It is positively an adventure, an ever evolving one at that. There are things and ways about him I know – they are staying put – probably forever. Then there are things that shift that I could have never seen coming. Both are treasures to me. We were talking not too long ago and realized in four (school years – we have our own “fiscal year” Sept-Aug) years from now we have some huge milestones. -Twenty years of marriage -We both turn 40 -Our son turns 18, graduates High School, and begins college/career/something adult -Our daughter begins High School and is the only child in our home

Four years is not that long, but a lot can happen in four years – shoot! a lot can happen in a month. It was so fruitful to recognize these upcoming milestones because it brings fresh perspective. We have already come so far and lived so much. We only have four more years with our son before he no longer is “under our roof” – there’s so much to teach him and experience with him. Our daughter will have her four years of having us all to herself. It’s a year of celebrations – we should start saving now because there will be lots of parties.

What I expect from this recent awareness is a hyper-consciousness of the grace, humor, and pure thrill of life. Life is good. Life is hard. Life is abundantly beautiful. I hope you discover milestones. I pray you re-live your love story. It may or may not be with a lover. It may be your salvation story, when you met your best friend, the day you had your child. I have several “love” stories. I pray you do too. Love is a gift not to be taken lightly or for granted. It’s a choice, always. It’s also the greatest command our Heavenly Father has given us.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ -Matthew 22:37-39

Of all my earthly loves Jesus has entrusted me with – Russell – you’re my forever favorite.

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More on Hope

I received the best compliment about my post, HOPE. It was, of course, from my Mama, but it still counts – even though she’s my most excitable reader and loudest cheerleader!

She text me: “Continue to be faithful and obedient in your writings. It causes us to search the Word and search our hearts.”

That is exactly why I write.

My greatest desire, why I decided to participate in the world we now live in – by that I mean technological interactions and relationships – is that you would do exactly that… search your own self and search for yourself.

My Mama also text me a Scripture she searched out herself after being spurred on by reading the Scripture I posted. “Hope does not disappoint because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” Romans 5:5

We can spread this searching like a wildfire! Let us learn from one another in all different ways – face to face, phone and text conversations, online posts, books we read, podcasts – Let’s be known for our anticipation to learn. Let’s be known for our ability to listen. Let’s be known for our kindness in responding. Let’s be known for exploring what others say while filtering it through our own lenses. Let’s be known for welcoming everyone’s story, because that’s just it, we all have a story.

Hope is a lot of things. It’s a rope we grip on to – a desperate prayer we cling to. I also believe it’s something we can seek and find. I believe we can find hope in one another. If I have survived that thing you are in… just maybe you can survive it too.

Search out hope like it’s a hidden treasure, because it is.

Anticipate the good, because there is so much good.

Listen wholly and with your heart while allowing your own thoughts lay to rest.

Explore every single day.

Share the hope you hold – because someone needs it.

I’ve shared in past posts we have moved quite a few times – which means we often have to make new friends. Something I alway tell the kids and I have to remind myself of: “That friend you’re hoping and praying for… They are waiting for you too. They need you just as much as you need them.” It goes the same for sharing our hope. You need to hear from others just as much as others need to hear from you. Send a text today. Call a friend. Share on your social media a piece of the hope you hold. Wildfires, they spread fast and are all consuming!

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three pounds sixteen and a half inches

My first born, my only son, turns fourteen years old today. How can this be?

His life has been an adventure from the very beginning – so let’s start there. This boy decided to arrive early. He came fast and furious on a Saturday afternoon at thirty-two weeks gestation. His daddy rushing in the room moments before his grand arrival and at less than an hour old, he took his first helicopter ride pulling off the oxygen mask because… that’s my son.

He is the most independent child that ever graced the earth. He has always done things his way. He’s confident and stands tall in the skin God created for him. He knows he’s smart (and oh my word alive, he is smart!) and he knows he was created with great purpose. I remember the first time I truly realized he was a leader and had a unique restraint to peer pressure. Kindergarten. Yes, when he was five, the school secretary called me with our son in the office not feeling well. She told him she wanted to take his temperature and he respectfully refused and said, “No, you cannot take my temperature, I want you to call my mom.”. Some may have heard this and thought he was being noncompliant and demanding. I knew at that moment, no one- NO ONE – will ever talk him into something. Please know, I am aware the world is harsh and there may be a day he is fooled or coursed into doing something. But, can I be Mama-honest? I don’t think he will. He’s hard headed beyond belief. I’m thankful for that hard head, that sureness, that unwavering confidence. With maturity, experience, and time this character trait continues to evolve into a strength and a realm of creativity beyond my imagination.

Creative.

If I only had one word to describe him, I would chose creative. He can draw anything beautifully and effortlessly. He loves to design and sketch on graph paper. He’s a perfectionist in his art and you will find more crumpled up paper than finished pieces. He is an unbelievable gift to me and to this world. I can’t wait to see how his passions and talents morph from just something to do into a way he lives his everyday life. Sometimes people get the chance to live in their gifting-a way of life. I truly believe he will be one of those. And let’s be real, he does not like being told what to do. He may have to be an entrepreneur! That’s the character I know will propel him in this life. He will take this force that’s God-given within him and radically change this world. Sure, I would love if he listened more and was maybe just sometimes compliant- but in the same breath, I don’t. I never want that stubborn confidence to weaken, dim, or eventually become non-existent. I want to water, nurture, and intentionally foster the way that God made him. He is uniquely and wonderfully made and I love everything about him.

His smile – Oh, how it lights up a room and his laugh is nothing short of contagious. His voice is soft and he is slow to anger. When he speaks, he wants to be heard because he doesn’t just talk. He shares what’s important and interesting to him. He loves to have fun, sleep late, and watch funny movies. He’s my favorite boy in all the world and I am honored and take seriously my responsibility to love and be silly with this young man… who by the way has a mustache and is now quite taller than me.

He began as a miracle and continues to be one in the life of our family. He challenges me and I learn from him daily. His compassion for humanity is quiet, but beautiful. He is my layer kid. You think you get what you see, but he is so deep and lovely.

A funny story I just have to share. He was probably about six years old. He says, “Hey mom, you know that lady that works at Grammy’s salon? The one with the eye patch?” I responded, “No, I don’t think anyone at Grammy’s salon wears an eyepatch.” To which he says, “Well, if there was, I bet you she’s a pirate!”. He’s silly, creative, literal, and sees the world very black and white while splashing color all over the place.

Watch out world – this fourteen year old is about to change the atmosphere.

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Candles & Pizookies & Mac’NCheese

This evening, at our table, it will be anything but ordinary – the youngest member of our crew turns a decade today. Double Digits it is!

I would like to share a little bit of her, with you.

She is one of a kind, in all the right ways. Celebration is her ammo and chocolate her kryptonite. She is fierce and loyal. A born leader. A competitive spirit. She can turn the most mundane into a full on festival! Let me give you an example- this past Super Bowl was the first one we’ve watched just the four of us, (no friends or family) and she did not let that stop her from making it a P-A-R-T-Y! She decorated the living room with signs and footballs. I could go on and on with stories… she’s always ready to have some fun. Needless to say, her birthday will be quite a celebration. Streamers on her door, a banner in the living room, pancake breakfast with her daddy, Chick-fil-A lunch with mom, and her dinner choice this year of sticky asian potatoes, shells and cheese, pizookies for dessert.

She will try anything. She is fearless and I love that about her. She loves people. Her heart beats to help others. This girl ran for 4th grade student council, created a campaign poster, wrote and delivered her speech, and YES, she won! She proudly sings in her school choir, and can’t wait till 5th grade when she can volunteer as a crossing guard before and after school. She wants to be IN IT, whatever that may be. She’s not even remotely afraid to try something new.

I’m not sure what this little lady will end up doing with her talents. She has wanted to be a construction worker, Target employee, professional soccer player, poet, writer, entrepreneur, mascot, teacher. What I do know, is that she is not waiting until she’s a grown up to make an impact on this world. She’s honest, hilarious, and almost as beautiful on the outside as she is inside. Oh, and my oh my, is she feisty! Determined is an understatement. Let me tell you this, too, she just DOES IT! If she wants to create or build something, she just DOES. She doesn’t find an excuse. She will go outside, rummage through her dad’s stuff in the garage, go through my desk and her art supplies, and behold, she’s created something.

Her light is so bright. Her love for Jesus and all people destroys the darkness. She’s strong and absolutely brilliant. She’s a magnetic force of acceptance and inclusion. Laughing is her favorite, preferably over dessert! So, today, we celebrate the gift she is to our family. She’s always ready with a hug, a thank you, a compliment, a helping hand. Thank You, Jesus, for blessing our home with one sweet and sour short stack!

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Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

No, I don’t. I’m all about honesty here. My 9 year old baby girl actually asked me if I wanted to join her outside for a snowball fight and I sweetly declined and countered with, “But I’ll build a snowman with you”. So, I put on warm clothes and headed outside to be a “fun” mom. Ha! But seriously, I want to be fun, just my fun doesn’t equal kid fun. Does anyone know what I’m talking about or are you all going to leave me here in my selfishness alone?

Okay, so we head out and immediately she tells me I’m making my snowball wrong. I haven’t talked about the Enneagram on here yet, and I don’t know how much I will, but if you know anything about it, I’m a 9, The Peacemaker. One thing about The Peacemaker is when they aren’t “healthy” or maybe not doing something they want to do it matters how you say things to them. Yes, you know where I’m going with this. I got irritated, real fast. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. Thank You, Jesus, You calmed my heart immediately as I apologized and we built a snowman. An awesome one, by the way. He had gum “coal” for eyes that I got in a white elephant gift on Christmas, a plastic carrot nose, buttons and top hat, Russell’s scarf, and sticks for arms. He is ADORABLE! His name is Calvin and we love him.

I can hear the whisper of my Heavenly Father, end this afternoon with a snowball fight and tell her at the end it’s time to go in for hot cocoa. I love the simplicity of redemption. I would love if she only remembers the good part about this afternoon, but even more so, I pray she remembers I chose HER. I didn’t let my selfishness or pride ruin what ended up being such an incredible time. I love my girl, so so much and if that’s all she remembers, I’m good with that too.

P.S. So, I didn’t take a picture of our handsome snowman the day we made him. I did the next morning and as you can see, his gum “coal” eyes bled in the snow and now it looks like our Calvin has two black eyes… Oh, and he’s lost a button.