Author: Natalie Grandmont

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Checks&Balances

Just the other day I walked into the bathroom and prayed, “Lord please help me to check my emotions and help me to be balanced in my responses”.

It was an honest prayer. It was a clear minded prayer. It was desperate, but not selfish. I truly wanted to not be affected emotionally by the reactions I was receiving so I could respond with kindness and clarity. I didn’t want to spew or have a patronizing tone. The Lord reminded me of a quote I came across a few years ago that has 100% opened my eyes. Let me share…

“You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breathe and allow things to pass.” -Warren Buffett

The first Scripture that comes to mind when I read this quote is 2 Timothy 1:7 (TPT) that says, “For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.” He has given us the power through the Holy Spirit to have self-control- aka- restraint.

Okay, so I haven’t wrote in a while and I log on to once again dig deep into my creative soul and begin a new blog post. To my surprise, I had begun this post and never completed it. So, here I find myself in the same place, but today I went and took a shower to pray and wash away all my frustrations. Here I am, being reminded to once again, practice restraint upon my own feelings and emotions. So, here we go. I’m ready to complete this post with fresh eyes, but still in this present struggle.

No Joke! I am now coming back for a third time to finish this post, months later. Today was a good day. My shower was uneventful not containing desperate prayers or pleads to our Lord, but just a thankful heart. Now yesterday… that’s a different story. Ha!

I think what the Lord is always showing me and teaching me and trying to sink down deep in my heart and my mind is to freely and joyful give the grace, mercy, and love to others (particularly my babies) that He so graciously gives to me every moment of every day.

There it is – simple, plain, and seriously uncomplicated – but not always as easy as it sounds.

It’s always, ALWAYS, a heart issue. Where’s my heart at? Check it. If it’s off, balance it. Just like a check book back in the day. Sometimes it takes some hunting and other times it’s right there plain as day.

Psalm 139: 23-24 (NIRV) “God, see what is in my heart. Know what is there. Test me. Know what I’m thinking. See if there’s anything in my life You don’t like. Help me live in the way that is always right.”

Today, I finally finish this post with a smile on my face. He is so good to me. Always has, always will be.

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One Adventure at a Time

One step at a time. I tell my kids and myself this quite often…

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Live in the moment.

Don’t think about what you have to do later and become overwhelmed by it, just stay in the now. Experience it, feel it, embrace it, and be aware of it.

All of these things are much easier said than done. I’ll admit that.

So, here I go. Telling you mine and my family’s adventures- one at a time.

“Not all those who wander are lost.” -J.R.R. Tolkien

I never thought in a million years I would be a wanderer. It’s a label that can be hard to accept as one you bear because you can be mistaken as inconsistent or unreliable. Some of us just need more time for experiences, trial and error. I won’t start too far back, as that would be a novel and this is just a short read. I was born and raised in California. Met and married my man, had two babies, purchased our first home, all the big life stuff. Well, in June of 2012 my husband took a new position that moved us from the Mojave desert to the sandy beaches of Ventura County. It was a dream come true. The ocean is our favorite place and now we lived just 3 blocks away. We cherished that year and a half before he was offered another new position that landed us back home in the desert. It was a short stay of 5 months before he once again accepted a new job that took us up north to the Bay Area. These years were fruitful and we grew in our marriage exponentially. We made new friends that became forever best friends.

We always knew this wasn’t our final destination. We did, however, stay longer than I anticipated and it was so good. We had always wanted to move out of state, so we made plans to join some friends that had recently moved. We took the plunge and moved to the Minneapolis area of Minnesota. We arrived on New Years Eve 2018 just in time for the polar vortex to take over a few weeks later. We bought a beautiful home and embraced our new environment and enjoyed many new adventures. Cold people stuff… we built an ice skating rink in our backyard, sledded down the deck staircase, made lots of snowman, walked on frozen lakes. These are ventures you can’t experience in the warm climates we had always lived. The Lord had different plans for our other family friends that were hoping to move with us. It was hard. Let me just say, I like the plans I make and it was so hard when my plans weren’t the same as His.

But… His plans are so much greater and so much better!

We stayed in Minnesota for two and a half years. I always say with every move there’s growing and stretching and maturing that happens. It was time for us to move on, Minnesota was not our home. We decided to sell our house and just drive and see where we wanted to live. After covid, my husband’s position went remote and we had decided to homeschool the kids, therefore we were as free as birds to fly and land wherever we wanted. This was so exciting. This was a big decision. We had full freedom to choose where we lived. Not based on a job location or a school district. This was a lot of pressure. The only ones we have to blame if this sucks, is us. But, again we have the freedom to fly again, if needed. We had always wanted to live in Texas. So, after a short stay back home with family, we took the leap of faith and moved to San Antonio, Texas.

We can’t go where we want to be until we are ready to be there. We weren’t ready for Texas until now. Texas wasn’t ready for us. We needed the desert, the ocean, the bay, and the north. We needed these adventures and experiences. We needed the friends we made. We needed fruitful seasons and dry ones.

Perspective is everything.

I don’t know your story. It may be similar to mine, or maybe you have lived in the same city your entire life. Maybe you have moved less or more than we have. You may still be wandering. You know, you can wander without ever leaving your living room. It’s not only a location thing, it’s a heart thing. Even in my wandering, physical and spiritual, Jesus has never ever left me. I have known and felt His love and compassion.

May you always know and feel the unwavering and unconditional love that Jesus has for you. In your wandering, I pray you always know He’s right there. He’s got your back. If you feel like you’re wandering in your faith, in your marriage or parenting, in any other relationship, I pray right now for your heart to receive the peace that only comes from Jesus. He will guide you, lead you, and show you what to do and where to go, when to speak and when to be silent. Just because you may be wandering, doesn’t mean you’re lost. Take heart, dear friend, every little thing is going to be alright.

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Everything Changes

Everything, yes, everything changes. We change constantly- what foods we like, music we listen to, design in our homes, and even the style of clothes we wear. I mean, come on, could you imagine if we all still had our bangs teased and wore scrunchy socks with high tops? My mom’s asymmetrical haircut! It’s funny too, that when we are in it-the style, the season, the whatever-it’s so cool. Then how quickly it becomes out of date is absolutely crazy! Sometimes-I would even dare to say most times-change is good. Now, this does not mean that change is easy or fun or even desired, but it causes us to see where we have been and where we are going. Think about when you look at old pictures. Subconsciously, we are not only reminiscing, we are realizing how far we have come and what all it took to get us from that old picture to where we are today.

Sometimes, I find myself yearning for the past as if I was able to time travel it would be like meeting up with an old friend and catching up. If I really think about it, I don’t know how well this reunion would go. I have grown and matured over the years so much, I think my younger self may irritate me. Ha! The way I responded at times or how impatient I could be. Even my facial expressions and mannerisms have evolved with the rest of me. Man alive, in many ways, I am thankful for change.

I saw a sign the other day that said, “I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days before you actually left them.” Hindsight is 20/20-right? I recently read something along the lines of, “Don’t let the memories of great times in the past be stronger than the dreams for your future”. That one hit me hard. I think we all are dreaming a little of the way things used to be. In our house we call it the before times. My oh my-how EVERYTHING has changed.

With all this change, our family is making a big move…again. That quote, “Not all who wonder are lost”- that’s our family’s anthem. We can seem as though we don’t know what we are doing or what we are looking for. Can anyone relate? Maybe we don’t. Maybe we just haven’t found it yet. Every move and every change that we have made has been a great growing, stretching, and learning season. It is as though each change is a piece to our puzzle. We just did a 2000-piece puzzle that I thought was impossible. My daughter found it at a yard sale and I was convinced there was no way all the pieces were there. Let me tell you something-EVERY. SINGLE. PIECE. was there. Not only there, but the puzzle was divided right in half into two ziplock bags.

How gently our Heavenly Father cares for each piece of our lives not losing a single one. He holds them all in His arms carefully showing us how they all fit together so beautifully. The weird shapes and big pieces. Little ones that don’t seem to fit anywhere. Then there are those that you know exactly where it goes when you see it because of how clear the picture is. They all matter. They are all needed to complete the puzzle. It’s trusting all the pieces are there and in time they will all fit together. That’s the struggle.

Thank You, Jesus, that we can trust You. Thank You that You hold all of our pieces so carefully. May we see each day as an adventure. Where does this piece fit? Will I get to see a glimpse of the full picture today? Trusting You in this process, remembering that it is a process and that life is a journey constantly unfolding. We need You, Heavenly Father. We love You. We put our hope in You.

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A Little of This & A Little of That

Balance. Moderation. Discipline.

Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Why is it so easy to indulge in what is “bad” for us? My daughter just said the other day, “Why is crap so good?”. Of course what she meant by this-McDonald’s French fries and her favorite, ice cream. Yes, these things are crap and yes, these things are delicious. Okay, okay, in moderation they can be beneficial to our souls, because it really is just so good. Enough about fries and desserts. Let’s get into the real reason I’m sitting in the California sunshine typing to you all.

Cake.

Ha!Ha! Seriously, cake is delicious and one of my favorite things to make. I have shared with you in the past about how God speaks to us in our own language and through the desires He placed in us. Well, He gave me the desire to bake and cook. I was thinking about this today when I was challenged once again with the need to bring balance back into some areas of my life. Our current world situation truly is difficult, but no longer (for me) can be used as an excuse for my over indulgence and lack of discipline. I don’t know about you, but during this crazy year I have, and continue to have, my ups and downs that have taken my routine right along with them. We are going to have days like this, but I want to shake off this yuck of the unknown and begin to thrive.

Back to cake.

God brought to my mind how you bake a cake. You need flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, eggs, milk… you get the idea. These are basic ingredients most cake recipes call for. What if we put 2 cups of baking soda instead of flour, and only 1 Tbsp of flour instead of baking soda? It would apparently not turn out well. It would not be the consistency that we hoped for. It would not be cake! Jesus, gently showed me the areas of my life that haven’t been “turning out well or the consistency I hoped for” was because my measurements have been off.

Alright. Lord, show me where I’m off. Reveal the choices I’m making in flour proportions that should be baking soda amount. Do I add milk or make it dairy free? What makes up my cake? Every morning, may I wake with great expectation. What are we going to do today, Holy Spirit? Guide me to add a little of this and take away a little of that. Balance me out in only the way You can. Help me remember that Your ways are not my ways and it may seem like there’s way too much of something, when actually it’s the perfect amount. Encourage me in the things I know I need to put first. At the end of my day, when I lay my head down, my deepest desire is that you are pleased and proud of my delicious cake.

For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; -2 Corinthians 2:15

I want to be a fragrance to those thriving and those suffering. Jesus, let me see that my daily disciplines extend to those around me. The world needs You now more than ever. Help me to see past the disappointments, my own ups and downs, and to realize what an opportunity it is to live in these days-even though corruption and evil is prowling, yes this is true, but You are good. Let my light shine brighter and my fragrance be even sweeter.

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Helpfulness

We are doing a new thing this school year with our children. We have decided to dis-enroll our high school freshmen son and fifth-grade daughter from the school district we absolutely love (a major deciding factor in our move here to Minnesota) and enrolled them in a Christian online academy. Many of you reading this may very well have done the same thing, finding yourself in a role that you never imagined or desired. It had crossed my mind a few times to homeschool, but nothing caused Russell and I to go for it-until now. No matter your decision for your children’s school experience this year, it was a hard one to make. Each family is unique and needs to do what is best for their home.

With this decision, the opportunity has clearly presented itself to teach our children things we have always wanted to, but just haven’t for whatever reason. Chores have become more consistent and they are improving on them daily. We are working together better than we ever have, learning to forgive quickly, and taking our deep breaths when we are frustrated.

One thing I decided to add to our curriculum (life really) is a Monday Manner accompanied by a Scripture to back it up. It’s definitely a manner of sorts, but it’s a life skill I hope to instill in my children. This is a simple and consistent way to pour into them.

Let me tell you what-I need these reminders.

This week our “manner” is helpfulness. Be helpful! Philippians 2:4 (MSG) says, “Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.”

Instead of being more aware or looking for opportunities to be helpful, I have found myself realizing how much help I do not get. (Insert forehead slap!) This is the exact place the enemy wants me to be. He wants me turned inwards, obsessing with my own advantage. He wants me angry and irritated.

As I have mentioned before, one of my favorite roles of the Holy Spirit is that He is our Reminder. He reminded me of the Scripture and held me accountable. He brought awareness to my emotions. Thank You, Holy Spirit! How I desperately need You. Once I realized what was happening in my own head, I was able to stop and make a choice. I did not want to be angry, irritated, or even worse turned inwards. Ultimately, He helped me. This is the promise Jesus gave us in John 14:16:

“And I will pray the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may abide with you forever-“ (NKJV)

When the kids and I were discussing helpfulness, we not only talked about helping others, but also being helped. I had them answer a personal question each day. Two in particular were: How do you like to help? What do you like help with?

Just like listening, I believe help is a gift to give and to receive. I want to be aware of how I can help while also being willing to ask for it. No one is a mind reader-thank heavens so, let’s not pretend they are. Even when we feel that it is 1000% obvious we need help, may we be so humble to just ask without attitude or belittling.

Look at those around you today for moments to lend a helping hand. If you’re on the receiving end, accept it graciously. If you need to ask for it, just do it. Ask. May we be surprised and blessed by a new awareness of what we can offer. It’s simple, beautiful, and truly unforgettable when someone selflessly gives of themselves. Honestly, doesn’t it just make your day when the door is held open for you by a complete stranger? How about when you drop something and a friendly someone hands it to you? Oh my goodness, when you can’t get the computer to do what you need it to and that someone in your life fixes it before you throw it out the window! Let’s switch sides now… You are out shopping and the person behind you in the check out line only has a few things and your cart is full- you insist on them going ahead and they accept with gratefulness. How about the pay it forward in the drive thru at Starbucks when you get to treat the car behind you by paying for their coffee?

SEE! Oh what a gift it is! A pretty easy one too, if we aren’t living inwards.

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Listen Linda!

The older I get, the better I listen and the more I desire to. Just today I had the rare opportunity of uninterrupted time with one of my favorite people. Now, don’t go crazy thinking I didn’t talk, I surely did. But my favorite part wasn’t talking or what I had to say or my excitement to tell her something. The best thing was just listening to her. She is frankly honest while remaining tenderhearted. It’s something I have always admired about her.

We live far from our family so visits are typically 5-10 days and just seem to fly by. We are currently blessed to have an extended visit with them and let me just say I am in absolute heaven on earth. What I want to do the most of during this precious time is to – listen. I want to hear stories and hearts. I want to learn and absorb each word those I love have to say. As I write this, it excites me to talk a whole lot less and just be still. I think listening requires a stillness we don’t practice enough. Our current state of stay at home orders and social distancing and literally the covering of our mouths is not what I’m referring to. Our nation, our roads and highways, our stores, our community gatherings have been not only still but put to a complete halt. That doesn’t mean our minds, hearts, opinions, and judgments have been. To be honest, mine have been loud and angry and all over the place – the complete opposite of still.

In my study and meditation on listening I have concluded, it is a gift. A gift both to give and to receive. My favorite synonym of listen is the word accept. See, to truly receive a gift you have to accept it and when you give a gift your joy is in their acceptance of it. How beautiful is that!

I have also been thinking a lot about the difference between hearing and listening. Hearing takes no effort; it’s just sound received by our ears. Listening requires active attention; it takes action. The definition of listening is this: to give attention with the ear; attend closely. So, when people say they want to be heard-I think they really want to be listened to. Just like the little guy from the famous YouTube video “Listen Linda” (oh my goodness, if you have not seen it, stop right now and go watch!) he did not want her to just hear him, he wanted her to LISTEN!

Right now our world is in such division. Let’s be a people who choose to truly, actively, and respectfully listen-even when we don’t agree. Actually, especially when we don’t agree.

Here are a few Scriptures to encourage us:

But whoever listens to Me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm. Proverbs 1:33 (NIV)

“Ho! Everyone who thirsts, Come to the waters; And you who have no money, Come, buy, and eat. Yes, come, buy wine and milk Without money and without price. Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And let your soul delight itself in abundance. Incline your ear, and come to Me. Hear, and your soul shall live; Isaiah 55:1-3a (NKJV)

Wise men and women are always learning, always listening for fresh insights. Proverbs 18:15 (MSG)

Answering before listening is both stupid and rude! Proverbs 18:13 (MSG)

A question I need to ask myself is who do I not want to listen to or even whom am I unwilling to listen to? Sometimes it’s a distinguished individual, but more often than not, it’s my kids or a close friend or a new friend. I listen to and read much of Jennie Allen’s work and one thing right now that is sticking out to me from her is: Keep the End in Mind. I can only see right in front of me sometimes, only what is going on now and how I do or don’t like it; how comfortable or uncomfortable the situation or conversation can be. Let’s take Jennie’s advice. Let’s be willing to listen because it’s not just the right now that we are listening for; it’s the trust we are building with others so we are a safe and trustworthy place to come to. Listening is a big deal – people! Let’s be known for being good listeners.

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Beautifully Imperfect

I call my mom Mama; always have and always will. I have forever wanted to be called the same, but guess what – we rarely get exactly what we want. I have come to terms with being called plain ‘ol mom. I adore nicknames as I find them to be not only personal but so special. Okay, enough about what my children call me. We have more important things to get to.

Today I felt completely and utterly disqualified, ill equipped, and frankly not made for this whole being a mom thing. Both my children were struggling with what they struggle with the most in this time of their lives. My son – school. My daughter – her room. Lord, have mercy on my impatient heart.

My boy has an outright apathetic spirit towards school since like 3rd grade. He’s crazy intelligent + zero motivation = a mom’s worst nightmare. I have to say, though, the apple doesn’t far fall from the tree as his dad about gave my mother in law a heart attack over school until the day she received the phone call he would graduate high school by the skin of his teeth. My man, hands down, most intelligent man I know and he can fix, build, and cook anything. He has a great job and has created a beautiful life for us. I take great peace and hope that our son will continue to follow in his father’s footsteps- but maybe care just a bit about high school? Oh please, just a little.

My girl. She loves ALL things. Therefore, she keeps all things. It’s going to be the death of me. She despises a tidy room and I kid you not, it’s a good day when we can see her floor. My oh My! Again, Jesus have mercy on my impatient soul! We don’t need to keep the package a toy arrived in because we might want to use it as a bag “one day”. I know someone out there has a little one like mine. Everything is so special and so important. She’s going to use it someday for something. Every time we need to do a good deep clean it becomes a fight and I ask her, what do you want to manage, clean, and care for?

I’m not writing this to air my kid’s dirty laundry or just vent about their struggles. I’m writing to tell you about mine. I want my kids to care about the important things. Let me rephrase this. I want my kids to care about what’s important to me. Yikes. Yes, this is definitely about them, but probably even more so about my heart condition and need for control. I recently listened to a sermon about letting go by Pastor Furtick. He told a story about weight lifting. His trainer told him he would be able to lift more weight if he loosened his grip. Oh, Jesus help me loosen my grip.

See, the thing I love about our Creator is just that, He created us. He knows us because He made us. We can have a grip. Another way to say this, I get to parent(grip)my children. But sometimes, I need to loosen my grip so that I have more influence in their lives by being an example of the child I am to our Heavenly Father. They have to learn things on their own. Just typing that hurts my heart. That’s gripping too tight. There’s nothing new to their current struggles. We have taught and raised them both to be responsible with what they have been entrusted with. Now, it’s time for them to practice and live this out. Yes, I still have to keep them accountable and continue to remind, reward, and discipline them. But the anger and frustration and the inadequacy I feel so deep it makes me question if I am made for this – it’s time for that to come to an end by loosing my grip, praying continually, and not expecting them to do things the way that I do. They aren’t me and I don’t want them to be. They are created in the image of God and I want to see that flourish and grow into exactly the plan our Jesus has for them. Lord, thank you for the honor and privilege to be their Mama (ha!) and love them and lead them towards You.

Here’s how I got from the dark thoughts back to the truth. My son had been doing school work ALL day because he was excessively behind on his assignments. It’s now 11pm and he wants to interview me for an article he has to write. Of course I say yes. Do you know what he asks me?

What made you want to be a mom?

Immediately, my Good Shepherd led me back to the truth. I was instantly reminded that all I ever wanted to be was a wife and a mother. I have always loved children. Growing up babysitting and teaching Sunday school was my absolute favorite. Then, He answered my prayers and gifted me with the best man ever and two amazing sweet babies. I don’t have all the answers and I surely mess up on the daily – but this I know – I love my family fiercely and without doubt and I need Jesus in every breath I take.

My favorite representation of the Holy Spirit is that He is our Reminder. I desperately needed a memory jog. He called my attention back to the TRUTH. Yes, I was made to be a mom. Not just any mom – a mom to Broc and a mom to Shelby. Two precious humans that Jesus saw fit to bless me with.

Thank you Jesus there are new mercies every morning waiting for me. How I need them so! Thank You Holy Spirit for the reminders and Your ever present help. Thank you God for being my Heavenly Father and Creator. Thank You Jesus for bearing my sins and sacrificing Your life that I might live. I’m not an inadequate mom or wife or woman. I am a beautifully imperfect mom and wife and woman that is rescued and loved by the perfect Great I Am and that can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

If you will, pray with me?

Jesus. I need you. I can’t do life on my own. Your saving grace and new mercies every morning are where I want to dwell. May Your goodness and perfect love cast out all my fears as I find my strength in You. I surrender. I believe You are the one and only true God, Creator of the Heavens, the Earth, and me. I accept I need a Savior. Thank You God, that You sent Your one and only Son to planet earth to live amongst us as fully human and fully God and to die on the cross for my sins to pay the price for all my imperfections, rebellion, and selfishness. Thank You that I am made in Your image and You love me and like me. Help me to receive Your love and grace – Every. Single. Day.

Amen

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More

I’m not sure about you, but when I want to make a change for the better in my life it always seems to come in the form of… LESS. Less bad food, less TV, less caffeine, less shopping. The sound is so negative and depriving.

A few weeks ago I realized I wasn’t drinking enough water which led to the thought I need to drink less of the other beverages I ingest. In that minute I had a moment of such clarity. I just need to drink MORE water. The Lord showed me in my humanness of overcomplicating everything to just drink more water. I don’t need to freak out and go completely overboard and quit drinking the other liquids I enjoy. In the act of drinking more water I will naturally drink less of the others. My body will be satisfied and hydrated and I will by default not crave the others as much. Now, this is still a choice. I have to chose to drink more water.

I felt in my spirit that this applies to so much in my every day life. Don’t think so much about what I need to do less, instead focus on what to do more of. Not sleep less, but have more time during the morning. Not eat less chips and salsa, but eat more fresh fruits and veggies. Not less of me, but more of Him. Not less TV, but more walks and playing with the kids. Not less shopping, but more treasure hunting and repurposing. Not less worrying, but more fixing my heart on what I know is true. Not less frustration, but more restraint and self-control. Not less wishing the past good times were my current reality, but more storytelling, journaling, and catching up with friends. Not less aching for a gathering with those I love, but more sacred time around the table with those I am able to cluster with.

When I do more things that bring my bones to life and sets my heart on fire there’s no room for less.

MORE.

Jesus, I want more. I no longer want to fixate on what I do wrong and how to not do it. It’s not working. Thank you for Your never ending grace that pours out like a rushing waterfall overwhelming me in the utmost way. You are a God of more. You are a multiplier, not a subtractor.

“I will indeed bless you, and I will greatly multiply you.” -Hebrews 6:14 (HCSB)

The author in Hebrews is reminding the Jewish Christians of the promise God made to Abraham all those years ago. He is a God of blessing and multiplication. He is not a God of bad fortune and decrease. Just as the Jewish Christians needed reminding, so do we. So, if you will allow me, let me humbly remind us that our God is big and holy and the only One of true authority. He is good and honest and the author of integrity. He desires to give us more.

More peace.

More hope.

More joy.

More freedom.

I need more of all of these things, in doubles and triples and beyond what I can imagine. He promises this too.

“God can do anything, you know – far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!” -Ephesians 3:20 (MSG)

In my imagination and my wildest dreams it’s never less, it’s always more. And it says He will do far more than that!! Let’s be a people of more. Not only in our own disciplines and internal processing. Let’s be more to those we love and strangers alike. Let’s be more kinder and more forgiving. I know I could use more kindness and forgiveness myself.

Here’s to the movement of MORE. I’m ready. Are you?

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In the Struggle

Struggle has been a common theme around our house lately. It’s often been my husband telling the kids and I we need some struggle in our lives. To quote him, “You guys need some struggle in your life. It’s good for you!”

I’m not exactly friends with struggle nor do I ask it over for dinner, but I do have to say sometimes I find myself yearning for it a bit. Just like in a good work out you know the struggle is only temporary and the results are tremendous. I have to share a story that most of you will roll your eyes at, but here it goes anyhow – my recent confrontation with struggle in a physical sense… A few months ago it snowed and enough that the driveway needed to be shoveled. I decided that morning that I was going to shovel the driveway for my man so he did not have to do it when he got home from work. I. Don’t. Shovel. I have a husband, a strapping teenage son, and an overly eager bouncy daughter who all do this strenuous chore. I don’t want to do it. I don’t have to do it. I wanted to do it to serve him and relieve him this particular day. I almost talked myself out of it several times and then I just went out, looked like a fool, sweated my butt off, and shoveled that whole dang thing. There was not a spot of snow or ice on that gorgeous drive!

What I have to admit was the pride and accomplishment I felt.

Some struggles are a choice. These struggles I would define as work or effort needed to accomplish one’s will. You may not know when you begin something the difficulty it will induce, but you know there will be some. For instance, say you want to learn how to play the piano. There will be struggle, effort needed. It may come naturally to you or not, but some work is required. This, we are somewhat prepared for as we consciously made a choice to learn a new skill.

Other struggles are not a choice. They come at us with a force we did not know existed. We have no control over the nature of the struggle itself. I would define this kind of struggle as a clashing war, strife.

Both are rough and painful, harsh and demanding. Oddly enough, both require the same thing from us. Whether we put ourselves up to the task or the battle shows up at our door unannounced – we were made to fight. We were made for struggle.

“Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.” -James 1:2-4 (MSG)

Struggle is a gift. I guess maybe I should invite it over for dinner. James makes it sound almost fun and whimsical. I think maybe it can be. Perspective, I guess. My favorite is the next few verses…

“If you don’t know what you’re doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You’ll get His help, and won’t be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believing, without a second thought.” -James 1:5-6 (MSG)

We don’t even have to know what we are doing or how to do it! Hallelujah!!! We just have to talk to our Heavenly Father and simply ask. We do need to believe. That’s really all He wants from us anyhow, to believe. Believe He loves us. Believe He is on our side. Believe He wants to help us through the struggle.

We are all in a struggle right now. All experiencing it, but each in our own unique way. My prayer for us all is that we come out of this struggle with a new story in our life book. It doesn’t have to be a remodeled kitchen or twenty pounds lost. It doesn’t have to be a new found hobby or an immaculately cleaned home. Maybe it’s a newfound (or rekindled) love for hand written letters or your competitive spirit has been reborn during family game time. Just maybe you have a desire or gifting you didn’t even know about until you actually were still for a minute to feel it. Can you imagine coming out of this time in history more passionately in love with your spouse than ever before? How about a friendship revived through a phone call. We don’t always have to think so grand and big and extravagant. Lets think about what will really matter at the gates of Heaven when we get to see our Jesus face to face. What if this story we are writing right now read this –

I truly fell in love with Jesus and received the gift of trusting in Him with my whole heart. I opened the Living Word and had so many conversations with the Creator of the universe. I loved my family and those close to me because I couldn’t contain the love that Jesus was pouring into me. I stopped long enough to steep in the presence of the Almighty Father God. I learned to hear Him in the noise of my household (to hear Him in the silence of my solitude). I learned the things that comfort me and strengthen me. As I learned I did. It wasn’t always easy, but it was worth it to make the choices that eventually became custom to me. It became my nature.

Cheers to the struggle! Cheers to coming out on the other side brighter, lighter, and full of vigor!

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A Good One

Today is a good day. All days have good in them, I know, but today has just been good. Just yesterday I wrote out a list of the things that are easy for me to fall into that I think make me feel good. They seem comforting in the moment, but when the moment or time has passed I do not feel good or better or joyful. Instead I feel yucky. That’s honestly the best word to describe how I feel – yucky. I want to continue what I’m doing because what I’m doing feels good, but it’s not fulfilling me. It’s empty. It’s mindless. Especially right now we may need moments or days of straight up vegging. We may not get dressed or may watch our shows all day long. We may have pop-tarts for breakfast, cereal for lunch, and eggos for dinner. Okay, maybe that’s just my house. What I’m talking about is when you keep doing the things that don’t fill you up and then you feel guilty when you come up from your discontentedness. It’s a nasty cycle and the only thing I have found to break it is to do the things you know comfort you and make you strong.

Listen here… I mess up with this one thousand times a day. I believe though, and am living proof if you make your decision to be the one that strengthens you and comforts your soul, that’s where the breakthrough comes. If I am purposefully making choices that are beneficial to me I’m less likely to end up in a place of regret or disharmony at any point in my day.

So, let me tell you why my day was good today.

I got up an hour and a half earlier than yesterday. I got dressed when I woke up (let’s not get wild here, of course it was yoga pants) including my shoes so I was ready to take on my day. I made my bed, drank my coffee (next to my man working from home), I read my Bible and journaled. I ran to the store and when I got home I made us all lunch. Then, I did something that brought my heart joy, something I have wanted to do for years, probably a good ten. I made my own natural dyes for us to color Easter eggs. Oh my word alive – something shifted. It’s such a small thing, but not really. It was something that my heart had been craving to do that I never took the time for. I taught our daughter how to boil eggs and I created six different colors made from onion skins, blueberries, turmeric, coffee, red wine, and parsley. SO FUN!!!

The joy of being in the kitchen just continued for me. I made a beautiful layered salad, roasted a red pepper for our red sauce tonight and got that simmering, chopped up some carrots and celery to snack on, and while the pasta is cooking chocolate chip cookies will be baking in the oven. This is what brings me joy. I would love to hear what brings you joy. I’ll tell you something, though. My day would not have gone this way if I would have made different choices this morning. I was up earlier, dressed, filled my heart and mind with how much I am loved by Jesus and then… from all else flowed. It’s not always easy and it’s not always what I want to choose. Golly! Feelings are a thing – a real thing, hard to fight and sometimes difficult to decipher whether true or not.

I urge you. Make a list. Write down the things that you think make you feel good but ultimately drain you. Then write your opposing list – the things that are sometimes hard to choose, but totally and completely worth it! Take each day as they come – take them!